Sucker MDs!

We’re off to dis the Wizard!

Every now and then, like most other A-list celebrities, I get recognized in public by strangers. The latest occurrence was in the echo lab in our hospital. A tech, whom I had never seen or met before, asked me what my next video was going to be about. Delighted, I introduced myself formally, puffed out my chest, slicked back my three remaining hairs, and proudly proclaimed that I would be ripping “America’s Doctor” a new one. “That’s right,” I effused. “I’m doing a Doctor Oz dis rap. He’s about to get SERVED! Boo-ya! What WHAT? Whoop, there it is! Oh no he didn’t!”

It immediately became so quiet in the room, I swore I could hear the ultrasonic echo waves daintily reflecting off the nearby patient’s calcific mitral annulus.

The female technician’s shriek pierced the silence. “What?! Why would you insult a national treasure like Dr. Oz? He’s taller, smarter, better looking, and infinitely more successful than you! Plus he doesn’t come in here EACH DAY, bragging about the ‘off-the-chain’ videos he’s been desperately foisting out on YouTube, only to come back the next day and introduce himself again like he’s never met me. You are a sad little man!”

I casually grabbed a couple of day-old bagels and ambled towards the door, tripping over the echo machine power cord along the way.

Why dis Dr. Oz, indeed?

Let’s enumerate:

  • He’s taller, smarter, better looking, and infinitely more successful than me. He must therefore be stopped.
  • He may have started out with good intentions, but his current incarnation foists hype, pseudoscience, and unproven “alternative” treatments upon millions of unsuspecting Americans who believe that his is the final word. After all, he has been duly annointed by She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named!
  • Every practicing doctor dreads hearing these words from their patients: “But Dr. Oz says…” See here my informal Facebook poll of Dr. Oz tomfoolery. Better yet, my favorite medical journal, The National Enquirer, agrees!
  • Dissing Doctor Oz will inevitably lead to an East Coast-West Coast rap beef of epic proportions, resulting in untold publicity for both parties. Win-Win! Although I am likely to die in a drive-by syringe attack.

So it’s time to bust a cap in the Oprah-Industrial-Complex. The backing music track comes from the BRILLIANT Professor Elemental song Fighting Trousers, with music by Tom Caruana. I kinda “borrowed” this track without permission but I’m hoping that the imitation will be taken as the intended flattery. I would not want the good Professor to don his Lawsuit Trousers. And now…Sucker MDs!

And now, click to download the track for your next Oz-bashing workout!

Yo, I can’t watch these punk TV docs!

Straight sucker MDs. We callin’ you out, and we startin’ with…Dr. Oz!

Check out THIS referral from a PCP—ZDoggMD—you ain’t heard o’ me?
I guess you’re too big—chosen by Oprah—to showcase every quack this side of Deepak Chopra!
While you’re doin’ shows on okra—how it’s the cure for cancer
I’m spittin’ medical rhymes with evidence-based answers!
You should try it sometime, you know, science that is
‘Stead of pandering for ratings—medicine ain’t show biz!
But if it is, then me and my crew are gonna steal all your fans
Cause man, you push more woo than the Wu Tang Clan
The “alternative medicine” that you’re sellin’ up on your show
Works great—I mean it’s almost as effective as placebo!

I really can’t stand your show
Scrub top, farmer’s tan, hell no!
Everytime I flip on the TV
All I see is these Sucker MDs!

Now take me—the Z to the Dogg MD
I see patients everyday—that’s called legitimacy!
You may have legions of housewife fans via Oprah
But I got male pattern baldness, and some rhymes that’ll smoke ya!
The ZDogg crew be preachin’ science and reason
Fightin’ medical treason, while you leave asthmatics wheezin’
Louder than Dr. Phil—oh you gotta be kiddin’, no WAY!
That douche is less of a doctor than Doctor Dre!
He look’s like Darth Vader—after Luke peeled his mask off
Keep spoutin’ that BS and I’ll shave your freakin’ stache off!
You and Dr. Oz, like the Wizard of the same name
Are facades, so lame, we’ll smack you out tha’ game!

I really can’t stand your shows
Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil, hell no!
Hypin’ pseudoscience, can’t you see
Such are the minions of Oprah Winfrey!

ZDoggMD rhymes true
Fan us on Facebook, subscribe on YouTube
Join our movement and soon you’ll see, that we
Gonna pull the plug on Sucker MDs!

  • http://lifeinthefastlane.com precordialthump

    What could be better than a fusion of ZDogg and Elemental? Nuffink.
    Everyone needs a pair of steam-powered fighting trousers…
    However, I’m not sure a ZDogg cover of Cup of Brown Joy would be very palatable…?
    C

    • http://zdoggmd.com ZDoggMD

      “Cup of Brown Joy” in the medical world always carries connotations of a less than savory kind, ’tis true. If I stole that beat, I’m sure the good Professor would don his Time Travel Trousers™ and nip that bit of thievery in the bud.

  • PJD

    ZDogg-Love the new vid. Hope the title can be changed to “Sucka MDs!” Keep it real, homie.

    • http://zdoggmd.com ZDoggMD

      Thanks P to tha’ J, I was debating long and hard about the title. I’ll call it Sucka MDs on YouTube and Sucker MDs here, just to keep it really real.

  • Kyra

    On behalf of any one who has ever studied psychology & psychiatry and actually wishes to help people, we appreciate your call out of Dr. Phil (Phil of shit that is).

    And I’ll help you keep an eye on Gupta, but only cuz he’s a cutie.

  • Pingback: Sucker MDs need to be put in their place! | The Pathogen Posse

  • http://zdoggmd.com ZDoggMD

    Oh splendid! The good Professor Elemental has seen our video and given his blessing for non-commercial exploits! I am relieved he did not have to put on his litigation trousers…

  • Christine

    Vaginas good. Vagina. Hysterical. Love, love, love it.

    • http://zdoggmd.com ZDoggMD

      Oprah does indeed speak a universally acknowledged truth.

  • Pingback: Epic rap battles: ZDoggMD versus Dr. Oz [Respectful Insolence] | iPhone 2 die 4

  • plexy

    Awesome ZDOGG…keep it up. I hate Mr. Oz and Mr. Phil……dont even address them as doctors. One hospitalist to another….keep rockin on!

  • Trippo

    ZDogg, this is WAY funnier than placebo! Now I’m going to have to get my wife to give me another one of those Spirin tablets for ‘apoplexy’ caused by the laughter. We caint stand those fake doctors on TV, and my 82 year-old mother is one of their victims. This is a very well done video! Thanks.

    (My wife is an ER doc. She’ll get a big kick out of this.)

    • Pattie RN

      Now you just outed your own self as a fan of “The Birdcage”…….thanks for the “Spirin” reference!

      ZDogg….you have to go back to “The Doctors”….the ER guy is Ok, but the fake tan on the plastics guy and the Queen-Bitch of Anorexia OB should be shot for being a smug and high-maintenance PRINCESS!

  • Pingback: The LITFL Review 024 - Life in the FastLane Medical Blog

  • http://www.familyvetwa.com Carmen

    I have a veterinary client who was watching Oprah when the word “vajayjay” substitute for vagina came up. She was so irritated that she calls it an “oprah” now. (And we have discussed her dog’s tucked up vulva plenty). Love it! Been telling that story far and wide in an effort to get out the euphemism. “Your dog has a tucked up oprah”, or “an infection in her oprah.”
    My life will have had meaning if one hundred years from now everyone calls a vulva or vagina an “oprah” Spread the word!

    • bill

      hehe, reminds me of Dan Savages new use for the name of one Republican rep. Santorum.

      • http://zdoggmd.com ZDoggMD

        Strangely, I had the some thought!

    • http://roguemedic.com/ Rogue Medic

      No. An “oprah” should not be a vagina. I do not want to think of Oprah when I am thinking of vagina.

      An “oprah” would be better as a term for an STD.

      And with Dr. Gupta preaching that brain death is something that is just temporary, he is not any better than these other clowns. No offense to any fine upstanding clowns intentionally making people laugh.

  • Doc Quixote

    I’m a man of no strong religious convictions…but I certainly see the hand of God in the fact that “Oprah” rhymes with “Chopra.” I mean seriously, what are the chances? It’s God’s gift to medical rappers everywhere!

  • Denis

    Nice! What about one about the MD leading the animal right extremism in the US and justifying the killing of humans (Jerry ‘the killer’ Vlasak). Yeah, take that Hippocrates!

  • http://www.healthymamamd.com Noemi

    Another hilarious rap! My favorite parts were when you said, “Gupta, you are still cool, but I am watching you,” and your offer to Oprah to bury the hatchet if she gave you a show. I almost peed in my chair.

    • http://zdoggmd.com ZDoggMD

      Incontinence in comedy = good, yes?

  • http://theexaminingroom.com drcharles

    Absolutely hilarious and professionally done, thanks for the laughs!

  • Tina

    The same German TV station that brought us Oprah a couple of months ago is now showing the Dr Oz Show. Thankfully they show it in the morning, when I’m normally too busy to watch TV, but today for research’s sake I watched it and within the first few minutes I learned where Dr Oz’s erogenous zones are … Something I always wanted to know … I was too disturbed to follow the rest of the show, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t miss much, after all what can top Dr Oz’s erogenous zones?

    • http://zdoggmd.com ZDoggMD

      Germany now: economic powerhouse of Europe. German post Dr. Oz: Greece.

      • http://roguemedic.com/ Rogue Medic

        Will he be pushing a low-Greece Euro diet?

        PS -- Is a rimshot necessary, or is it implied in any reference to Dr. Oz?

        .

        • http://zdoggmd.com ZDoggMD

          A rimshot is implied, but given that Doctor Oz fans are very concrete, here it is anyways: ta-dum, ching!

  • http://drbrownmedicine.blogspot.com/ Colville Brown

    It’s nice to see i’m not alone in my disgust with Dr. Oz.

    • http://zdoggmd.com ZDoggMD

      You are never alone, my friend. We are thinking of forming a support group.

  • Hyperlalia

    Props for linking to (and I assume reading) Respectful Insolence. I like my beer cold, my women bilaterally symmetric, and my medicine science based.

    After reading the back and forth between the Dr. Oz show and the FDA regarding Arsenic levels in Apple Juice I can no longer grant him the benefit of the doubt as being deluded but well meaning. It is clear he has lost his right to the public assumption that he is intellectually honest with the content of his show. He should be ashamed.

    • http://zdoggmd.com ZDoggMD

      Word!

  • Pingback: Professor Elemental connected to IDC - Life in the Fast Lane Medical Blog

  • http://ksop-cscp.si/are-you-looking-for-the-best-espresso-machine-for-the-money best super automatic espresso machine

    Another scheduling tool to consider is Time Trade. Individuals
    Using VA’sYou do not even have to be a best professional espresso machine par excellence. Should I charge less than other Best Professional Espresso Machines to ensure I get enough clients? Itâ s automated, so you donâ t have to do quite a bit in the past, I’ve found it useful
    to create my own training materials for them. This
    means learning how to run yours.

  • http://www.thehopeforhunger.org/our-work/partnering-orphanages/ first mobile phone in india date first mobile phone in india which company first mobile phone in india which year first mobile phone operation in india first mobile phone service in india first power technology battery first social psychology experiment f

    Hi there! I simply wish to give an enormous thumbs up for
    the great data you have got here on this post.
    I will probably be coming again to your weblog for more soon.

  • http://www.journalhome.com/painstakingruff63/465089/the-benefits-of-saffron-extract-and-its-effects-to-your-fat-burning-plan.html saffron extract reviews

    I am genuinely happy to glance at this blog posts which carries tons of helpful data, thanks for providing
    these kinds of data.

  • Sue

    Go Z!!!!!

THA' GREATEST

ZDaddMD | ZPupp | ZDoggMD.com

A ZFamily Holiday

The ZClan kicks it holiday style. Antics ensue—but you knew that already.

ZDoggMD Downloads | Song Tracks

ZDoggMD’s Greatest Hits! (Download & Stream Here)

Download and stream all of ZDoggMD’s greatest hits. And his not-so-greatest hits too.

Dr. House of Cards | ZDoggMD.com

Dr. House of Cards, Ep. 3: Oz vs. Underwood

Dr. Oz goes to Washington…and gets a stiff serving of Underwood.

Apocalypse Meow | ZDoggMD

Apocalypse Meow

Stupid cat videos. Together. A Cat-pilation.

Dr. House of Cards | ZDoggMD

Dr. House of Cards, Episode 2

Dr. Underwood locks horns with an anti-vaccine mom. Luckily, his horns are bigger.

ZDoggMD | Jasmine | Turntable Health

A Whole New Way (A Turntable Aladdin Parody)

Go on, rub the magic lamp. You know you wanna.

#Specialty | #Selfie Parody | ZDoggMD.com

#Specialty

Primary care takes a #Selfie.

MCAT | AAMC| ZDoggMD | Zubin Damania

The AAMC and Z

A little light reading, and even lighter viewing.

Morgan Spurlock | ZDoggMD | Zubin Damania | Turntable Health | Inspire Theater

Fireside Chat With Morgan Spurlock

Chatting by a virtual fireside with a virtual hero. Virtually awesome!

ZDoggMD TexMed 2014 | ZDoggMD.com

TexMed 2014: The Promo

A medical conference promo that (almost) doesn’t suck! Remember the AlaHMO? Neither do we.

THA' DOPEST

Ebola | ZDoggMD.com

Ebola (A Lola Parody)

A video bound to go “viral.”

Friends with Low Platelets | ZDoggMD

Friends With Low Platelets (A Garth Brooks Parody)

Country music and thrombocytopenia. The Thunder Rolls…

Baby Phat | ZDoggMD

Baby Phat!

While childhood obesity may suck, this Lady Gaga parody…also may suck.

Viva La Vader | ZDoggMD.com

Viva La Vader

Use the Farce, Luke.

Let It Flow | Let It Go Parody | ZDoggMD

Let It Flow!

A bathroom of isolation…

Dr. House Of Cards | ZDoggMD

Dr. House of Cards | A Medical Mashup

House of Cards, meet House of God.

zdoggmd | turntable health

Commercial Break

And now, a word from our Founder.

Miley Cyrus Wrecking Ball Parody

Infect Me (Miley Cyrus Wrecking Ball Parody)

It’s about to get real for Hannah Montana, son. A zombie thriller!

Obamacare parody Video

What Does The Doc Say? (An Obamacare Ylvis Parody)

In the Obamacare debate, there’s one voice that no one knows…